Denim Guide: Definitely A Don't

Due to an influx of fabulous frocks the past season or two, the upscale denim market has seen a slight downturn. So this season, instead of barraging us with more jeans, designers have taken America's favorite fabric and turned it into dresses, tops and even shoes... Some of which are suprisingly cute. Not so cute? The denim handbag trend. If you can even call it a trend. Starting out with Louis Vuitton's hideous logo-ed denim handbags and ending in this:

Marc by Marc Jacobs newest slouchy handbag looks like a DIY project I tried in 1992. You know... The one where you took your old jeans and made a purse? Yeah, I did that... And I am permanently scarred, just by the mental image of it. I know the 90's are back, but I didn't think my worst fashion mistakes of the past would truly come back and haunt me. So message to Marc: I know the 90's are your thing... grunge really did rock. But cool it on the denim handbags. You're creeping me out.

Eh... Excuse me, but...

Now I love Katherine Heigl as much as the next girl. Loved her on Grey's (pre-4th season, of course), loved her in Knocked Up (sooo funny) and even went to go see that fairly unexciting rom-com, 27 Dresses. She's not one of those PYTs that seems untouchable or better than thou. She stuck up for George when he came out of the closet. She laughs a lot in interviews. Seems pretty down to earth. And she has really cute clothes. She's like a regular ol' girl friend you have coffee with, but just happens to be a movie star. So, as her friend (come on... just pretend for a minute), I feel like I need to tell her that the '90's Country-star Hair' needs to go. It's like she went to one of those photo studios in the mall and let them go crazy with a curling iron. Please sweetie. You are adorable. And totally poised to be the next Julia Roberts. Why ruin your chances with 90's mall hair?

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Even Icons Make Mistakes....

The great Kate took a major fashion risk at the Led Zeppelin reunion concert in London by donning this furry concoction of a coat... Normally she pulls crazy with panache, but this shaggy coat (paired with her even shaggier haircut) looks unkempt, in a Chewbacca with a Cruella De Vil dye-job kind of way... Not a good combo.

Brrr...

It's been pretty chilly this week in NYC... But that doesn't seem to stop Petra Nemcova from subjecting her toes to frigid 40 degree weather. Shouldn't a model know that sandals need to be shelved for the winter months unless it's a dressy occasion? You aren't going to pair winter boots with a fancy cocktail dress... And pairing sandals with a winter coat seems equally absurd. So if the only reason you have to wear sandals is to show off your pedicure, please, put the sandals away and grab a pair of pumps. Your toes will thank you.

A Bodysuit? (Definitely a Dogma Don't)

While we all may be amazed at how Sharon Stone has managed to keep her body in better shape than most 20somethings, it does not excuse the wearing of a body suit. Period. Especially a body suit that rides up in places on Sharon Stone that I'd rather not think about. Just because we saw it in Basic Instinct does not mean we want to see it again...

Reason #47 Why Leggings Should Not Be Worn as Pants

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times... Leggings are great, under tunics, too short skirts and worn around the house, but THEY ARE NOT PANTS! Nor should they be worn instead of pants... And Tyra's unfortunate outfit is just one more example of why. Maybe with all the crazies roaming the streets of Manhattan for Halloween, she thought people wouldn't notice her horrendous outfit. But headscarf, granny glasses and too low top aside, those leggings are just inexcusable.

Dogma Don'ts: High Shine

I am in love with this recent 80's revival as much as the next girl... Leggings, Ray-Bans, bright primary colors, thriller-esque leather jackets, drainpipe jeans, and all that punk hardware. But I have to stop and question the whole nostalgic bender we are on when someone decides to bust out metallic jeans... Who are they kidding? Unless you are starring in some crazy techno music video or dressing up as a Studio 54 lackey for Halloween there is absolutely no reason to even consider wearing these things. (And honestly, could those black metallic jeans be any less flattering??? Yuck.)

The Fashion Diaries

Now let me preface this by saying that Anne Hathaway is totally cute... She doesn't show up in the tabs walking drunkenly out of bars, doesn't flick off photographers, doesn't seem to be a crazed superficial shop-a-holic and hasn't hooked up with every major actor you've ever had dreams about. She has a serious boyfriend (pictured), a great career and generally good fashion sense. But this purse (I believe it is Devi Kroell for Target) is just WAAAAY too big for her tiny frame. Is she headed to the airport? Is she planning on stealing dinner rolls from the restaurant? What on earth is she stashing in there?? It's one thing to carry a sick carryall to work and back... I have a bag that could fit the kitchen sink. But please please please, if the bag is wider than your body... leave it at home.

The Corpse Bride

Digging up vintage wedding dresses is generally not a good look... They more than too often highlight some of the uglier trends of any era. (Puffy sleeves, sheer bodice, way too many ruffles, and that, "Oh, I'm hiding a vampire bite" neckline.) But its one thing to throw on the gown that grandma wore down the aisle in the privacy of one's own attic and quite another to wear it down the red carpet. So Shannyn Sossamon, stop taking fashion cues from Carrie (the horror film Carrie, not cute lil' SJP.) If looks could kill... you would. (And please god, what is with those horrendous shoes?)

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Muppet Maven

I have respect for avant-garde fashion like no other, but sometimes you just have to sit back and have a giggle at their expense... Fashion, like life, can't be taken too seriously. So enjoy... Here's Posh looking sublimely happy to be dressed up as Big Bird in Paris for an Elle photoshoot.















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Frizz Factor

No one can look perfect all the time... The weather sure sees to that. (Humidity be damned!) But there is no excuse for walking down the red carpet looking like you just stuck your finger in an electric socket. This look might work on the beach, but movie premieres are a different story. So even if you are as gorgeous as Heather Graham, please, please invest in some styling products to tame the frizz and up the shine...

Hot Pink Horror: Jada Pinkett-Smith

The fashion editors have been pushing fuschia for fall... But I'm still not convinced, especially after seeing this unfortunate picture. Someone caught Jada Pinkett-Smith channelling the 80's in a hot pink satin short suit. That alone is bad enough. Add a semi-sheer black tank and leopard pumps, and you have a level 5 fashion disaster.

Short suits are never a good idea, especially high-waisted ones. (Very unflattering.) And, if you are old enough to remember the world before MTV, you probably experienced 80's fashion first-hand, so try not to be so literal in your fashion choices...Pick one throwback... like a pair of hot pink pumps, or a big-shouldered blazer. And then the rest of your outfit should be totally and completely modern. Or else you run the risk of looking like looking like you are one step away from a Prince music video.

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Star Style: Katie Holmes

After a year or two of being ridiculed for marrying that crazy Tom Cruise (and/or being mistaken for his kid sister,) Katie Holmes probably sat down with her secret Scientologist life coach and said "I want people to take me seriously." Most of us know that the best way to do that is to dress the part. But unfortunately, Katie took the idea of dressing older and ran with it. Sometimes, yes, she looks fabulous. But other times, well... see for yourself...

Part of it has to do with the Moms"R"Us haircut. But the matronly clothes are what I really have a problem with. Why is she wearing those incredibly unflattering pants? I think my third grade teacher had those pants.









And did you ever notice, she is almost always covered from head to toe? I'm sure all the paparazzi attention makes her super-body-conscious. And having Posh as your best friend can't be a huge self-esteem booster. But wearing too many layers make you look like a Mormon. So stop piling on the clothes (because it actually makes you look heavier.)




And I really don't mean to offend, but what's with the mom clothes? This outfit would look fab on someone over 40. Classy long jacket, simple jeans and tee, designer shades. Has she been taking fashion tips from Diane Keaton?


And my last example... The Nancy Reagan Red Strapless Dress. It's not an ugly dress. But it looks like it belongs in the closet of some cougar, not a 29 year old!!!








So Katie, PLEASE!!! You only live life once. Why jump to 45 (or 50) already? You could have any number of designers drooling to dress you. And you really do look adorable sometimes. So stop dressing like your marriage to Tommy has aged you 30 years. We all know how to use IMDB. You aren't tricking anyone.

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Lessons in Length

Kate Bosworth gets some major fashion points for this fun Thakoon dress at the designer's NYC show. But there is one thing wrong with this picture. Here's the breakdown:

• She's wearing a dress in the color-of-the-moment, fuchsia. Fashion points: 5.
• The dress has asymmetrical shoulders, (which are back, my friend. Check out Michael Kors' one-shoulder dress in our 'Shop Now!' section.) Fashion points: 5.
  
• And she's wearing some fabulous beige and green heels from Prada, which don't match the dress, but contrast, in a totally complementary way. (This mismatching of shoes is a hot trend with many fashion insiders, but hard to do at home... So just be cautious) Fashion points: 10

Yet despite her obvious good taste and fashion knowledge, Kate Bosworth made a look-defining mistake... Can you spot what it is?

She ignored the fact that when it comes to dresses and skirts, length matters. And anything that ends mid-calf is almost always a bad idea. Not only will you look about a foot shorter than you would if you had your dress hemmed appropriately, but it will negate all the style points you would have gained otherwise. No number of trends can make up for something that doesn't fit right or isn't flattering.

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Color is Everything

Even if you are adamantly against leggings as an item of clothing, you have to admit they are quite comfy. Now think of them in CASHMERE!! They would be the ultimate luxury. I would never take them off! Not to mention that they would be the perfect thing to wear under jeans during those windy winter days that cut you like a knife. (Are the Chicagoans out there listening?)

But why oh why would anyone make them the color of your grandmother's support hose? These VPL Cashmere Leggings are a good idea executed badly. Really badly... Go back to the drawing board and give them to me in black.

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Avant Garde Does Not Need to Be Ugly

But in this case, unfortunately it does... Anyone in the market for some grey patent leather wedge tennis shoes by Dries Van Noten?? These look like avant-garde orthopedics... I don't think I have ever seen anyone under the age of 80 wearing shoes this puke-y shade of grey/green. Too bad they don't have velcro closures, then maybe some old lady would actually buy them.

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UGH!

I realize that UGGs were never meant to be the most attractive footwear. They are quite possibly the most comfortable things I have ever put on my feet. And, if you are camping in Alaska or relaxing in your pjs, I don't really have a problem with them. But please everyone, realize that the trend is O-V-E-R. So stop trying to make them fashion-y!!! Please!!! These UGG Australia Classic Metallic Boots are just hideous. Fabsugar was right. This trend has been beaten to death. So just let it die in peace.

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What is this? 1992?

Even the usually fashionable J.Lo can't pull of this dated look. Tummy overexposure. Sorry, but this is just wrong. She looks like she is taking style tips from Kelly Bundy on Married with Children, and not in a good way.




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Inspired by Sesame Street

As the BagSnob so kindly pointed out, the new Versace Fox Fur Bag looks uncommonly like my favorite Sesame Street character, Grover. Not only does this bag bring back memories of creepy furry backpacks a la Cher from Clueless, but it costs ... wait for it... $4,710!!! Who in their right mind would carry around this furry monster of a handbag, nonetheless pay for it???















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What were they thinking??

So, usually I think the buyers at shopbop.com have a great eye. But leopard leggings? Really? No wonder they are on sale... Yuck.



C&C Leopard Leggings

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